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Even though divorce rates in the U.S. have been steady the last few years , there are still a lot of couples getting divorced every year. Approximately one out of two married couples will end up in divorce court. And yet, marriage is still the ideal for most men and women. A recent survey of twenty-somethings indicated that 94% of these young men and women wanted to get married someday.
Most people go into a marriage with good intentions. They expect the marriage to last a lifetime, even though the odds for that are pretty grim. It's becoming increasingly common for people to have two or three marriages in their lifetimes. This means, of course, that they will have had two or three divorces as well. So, the question for today is: can there be such a thing as a good divorce after a bad marriage?
There was an interesting study on unhappy married couples. These were couples considering divorce , but decided to stick it out for a while. The study found that within three years, most of the unhappy couples were now happy. They were glad they were still married and no longer wanted divorces. The conclusion was that unhappiness in marriage is fairly common, but it is temporary. The bad times don't last.
There was another surprising discovery in the study. The researchers found that the couples who did divorce were no happier than the unhappy married couples. In other words, divorce solved nothing. And when the divorced couples did remarry, they were no happier-and, therefore , no better off-than were the couples who had stayed married. The lesson from all this seems to be: marital unhappiness doesn't last and is not a reason to get divorced. In the long run, couples have their ups and downs, but the downs seem to be temporary. The marriage can be permanent and happy.
Still, there are marriages where conditions are bad and the differences irreconcilable. Abuse, abandonment, substance abuse , and infidelity are all situations where severe damage has been done to the relationship. All marriages cannot be made loving and happy again. Sometimes, divorce is justified. Sometimes, one or both partners ARE better off after the divorce.
So how do you turn a bad marriage into a good divorce?
First, acknowledge that you may still love your partner, but that your life will be better if you live your own life away from your partner. However, you can't live your own life if you are focused on ruining his. To have a good divorce , separate physically and emotionally. Get over it and move on. The time and effort you spend on revenge or hatred is time wasted out of your own life. Next, you may be getting a divorce but your children aren't. They still have two parents. Forcing your children to take sides is using your children for your own selfish ego. Let your children grow up with two parents. Again, the time you spend trying to be the right parent, the good parent, is time better spent working on this new chapter in your life.
The relationship you have with your future ex during the divorce can make all the difference to the ease of the entire process. Accept responsibility for your part in the break-up and don't throw insults and accusations back in your ex's face. Your ex is not necessarily a bad person. He's just not right for you. And, to keep your perspective ember , you're not right for him.
During the divorce process and afterward when you're single again, avoid going to family functions or social gatherings together. You are a single person once again. You have no social obligations to your ex. Socializing as a couple will only confuse the kids, give false hope to the families and muddle your own feelings. No convenience sex (ex sex).
You are truly your own person now. Make the most of it. Don't waste your new life looking backward. Look forward with gratitude at the opportunities that await you as you begin this new chapter in your life.
Whenever health insurance reform is seriously considered as a legislative issue and not just as a campaign trail talking point, people crawl out of the woodwork to affect the agenda for their own ends. American citizens who favor government-run single-payer systems vie for legislative clout with those who like the current privatized system, and the debate has ignited the libertarians who feel government involvement in health care can only hurt ordinary people - especially a law mandating that everyone buy in or pay a tax penalty. On all sides of this issue, too , are lobbyists seeking to harness the power of the electorate to further their own ends - most of them employed by insurance providers, but some who ally with activist organizations as well. Given the current political climate, it's important to remember that these issues don't exist in a vacuum of ideological purity; health care costs continue to rise, and the means by which we obtain coverage for health care are flawed at best. Most importantly, the way we handle health insurance affects real people. One of those people is a young man named Jerome Mitchell.
Mitchell, now 25 years old , bought his own health insurance at age 17 via a company called Fortis (now known as Assurant Health). Less than a year later, he was diagnosed with HIV and given a life expectancy of about four years without treatment. Soon after receiving that diagnosis, Mitchell was informed by Fortis that his policy had been dropped. Seeking to find the cause of the policy cancellation, Mitchell attempted numerous times to contact Fortis, even enlisting the help of his case worker and an attorney. No response was forthcoming from the insurance company, so Mitchell filed suit against them.
The information which came out of the trial proceedings was chilling. Rescission , a tactic by which insurers investigate customers with terminal illnesses to establish grounds for canceling their policies to reduce costs, has long been in practice. Rescission efforts by insurers are rarely warranted; . |
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